The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
