What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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