we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
