I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I had to cum in my sink.
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