how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
