You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
