he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
