My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
