Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
