There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
