1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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