Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
