Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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