If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
two words: eviction party
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
