im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
