Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
