he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
