that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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