The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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