Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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