oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
