i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
