He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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