I heard we made out
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
