you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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