my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
