oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
