it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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