forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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