dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
