Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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