In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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