Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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