the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
