Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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