i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
