fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
