i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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