bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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