I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
