What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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