DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
