Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
