Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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