I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
