I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
