I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
