I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
