She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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