Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Naked. naked and bneed help.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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