so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
